Reasons I love having twins!

20.) Two babies, one pregnancy. And based on how miserable my pregnancies have been this is a true blessing.
19.) Parenting is forced to happen. There is no time to "think" with two.
18.) I am always validated as a mother 90% of the time someone is smiling at me!
17.) Everyday is a new experience. I never know who is going to be my happy baby or my fussy baby...they keep me guessing.
16.) Knowing no matter how bad my day is going or how overwhelming it may be someone will surely remind me "I don't know how you do it"...and the fact of the matter is...I just have to.
15.) Milestones and accomplishments happen simultaneously. If you think it is awesome to watch one child learn to walk...try two! Simply AMAZING!
14.) Watching them share, fight, love and interact with each other.
13.) Knowing that they will forever share an unconditional, unbreakable bond...the first day of school won't seem so tough and mommy and daddy going to work isn't so devestating.
12.)I am part of an elite club...Mommy of Multiples. Moms of multiples share a bond that moms of singletons simply don't have. We have walked the same battlefield and become instant friends when we see each other in public.
11.) Babies are cute, sweet and adorable. I have that times two.
10.) They are little stinkers together. They interact in a way that is simply unexplainable. A never ending partner in crime...and yes, it has already started. Like today...both of them trying to hide from mommy behind the toy box.
9.) Watching them take care of each other when the other is upset. Brendan cries when Colin is upset and says "be happy", Colin on the other hand tries to pat Brendan's head to make him feel better.
8.) Having two of everything. While it doesn't hep my pocket book...it helps my house look...well, fuller.
7.) Family never has to fight over who get's to hold the baby. There are two to give all the love in the world to.
6.)Recognizing the distinct differences in each of them while everyone we meet insists "they must be identical, the look so much alike"
5.) And then...recognizing that we have been calling Brendan Colin for the better part of the day.
4.) They play together...giving mommy and daddy occasional free time. Theoretically, that is.
3.) 90% of my eccentric behavior can be explained away by one simple statement "I have twins"
2.) Double the kisses, double the hugs, double the giggles, double the love
And the Number 1 reason I absolutely love having my twins
THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE THIS NEW BABY LOOK LIKE THE MOST WELL-BEHAVED PERFECT LITTLE ANGEL TO EVER GRACE THIS EARTH.

Walking away.

I find it hard to understand why people walk away from marriages without so much as a second look. Did they not take a vow of through thick and thin, in good times and in bad? No one said marriage was easy...hell, life isn't even easy. But, from everything I have ever learned nothing in life is more precious than the things that are worth fighting for.

It is hard for me to believe that people would take marriage lightly. As something to be toyed with and then thrown away. Why would you walk away from something that you promised to invest your everything in?

I am guessing, there wasn't much thought put into the decision to marry in the first place...and if thought was there maybe emotion and love was not. I think that to many marry because of selfish motives rather than the need to marry for the right reasons. I understand that there is a time and a place to marry for selfish reasons but there is also a time when you don't...when the other person is actually in love.

The engagement, planning of a wedding and the whirlwind idea of becomming newlyweds leave little room to think about the big picture. They don't allow for you to see 6 months from now, 5 years from now or 20 years from now. Which is why people need to go into a marriage realizing that times won't always be perfect. There won't always be the firecrackers when you kiss or the butterflies in your belly at your lovers touch. There will be challenges. There will be fights.

Marriage is about two people loving each other and working actively not only to further build their relationship but to further their love. Marriage is about finding someone you love, trust, respect and value you enough to not only spend the rest of your life with but to make sacrifices for. Marriage is complicated...it needs to be broken in and the kinks need to be worked out and it may take years for those things to happen but in the end the triumphs and challenges, the tears and joys, the thick in the thin will all work out to be that fairytale that you once dreamed of.

So, why walk away? Why walk away from something that once made you over the moon happy because times have gotten rough? Because walking away...no matter how happy you are in the future no matter what path you find yourself on will leave you wondering "What would have happened?" What would have happened if you fought harder? What would have happened if you gave in? What would have happened if you really allowed yourself to love? Would you be happier? Would you be less happy? And unfortunately, you will never know. Because while walking away from something allows us to possibly reinvent who we are and what we want out of life it doesn't allow us to forget the whirlwind that marriage is. The vows that we took or the love that we claimed to have felt and walking away from something that was possibly worth fighting for will always stay in the back of our mind as a thought wondering "what if".

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. ~Robert Anderson

VBAC

So, after spending the better part of the morning seeking an OB that would not only accept me late in my pregnancy but would also accept that I wanted a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) I am defeated. NO DOCTOR IN VENTURA, OXNARD, CAMARILLO will perform such a procedure because...get this THE HOSPITALS HAVE BANNED THEM?! After speaking with two of the hospitals locally regarding the issue I was told they were "not equipped to handle" the procedure! WHAT?! You are not equipped to handle complications that may arise from a vaginal birth? Are you sure you are a hospital?If you can't handle complications from a VBAC how is it that you can provide emergency cesareans, deal with other major birth complications including hemmorhage, placenta abruptia, an umbilical cord wrapped around the neck?Women are being stripped of their right to a vaginal birth for little reason than the doctors choosing to protect their malpractice insurance.The problem with performing a VBAC is uterine rupture, where the incision scar from the previous procedure tears causing a life threatening complication for both baby and mother but this complications occurs in less than 1% of women who attempt VBAC.While I understand that not every woman is a canidate for this option I think it is completely unfair that woman who are capable are also forbidden the right. I did not suffer complications that forced me to have a cesarean. Having twins is not a complication but a blessing and I hate feeling like I am being punished now! A complication during a VBAC is less likely to occur than a complication during a vaginal birth regardless of whether it is VBAC or not. Woman who have cesareans are 4 times more likely to suffer a catastrophic event including; infection, deep vein thrombosis, reaction to anesthesia, hemmorhage, damage to internal organs and DEATH. 4 times more likely? And doctors aren't supporting woman who want to deliver naturally?I don't want a VBAC to experience the pain of labor, I am not trying to prove that I can "do it"...but I am trying to make up that time I was stripped of with my boys. I lost almost 3 hours of their life the morning they were born. I looked at my children for 30 seconds before the were whisked away to the nursery and I was pushed into post-op. By the time I got to my room I had to ASK NUMEROUS TIMES for my children. I did not get to put them to my breast seconds after they were born...I missed out on their first three hours of life! How is that fair!? I don't want to feel that pain again. I don't want to ASK FOR MY CHILDREN. I carried them for 9 months and suddenly they were gone...I felt alone...honestly...I have never felt as lonely as I did sitting in post op after their birth...but I do know I want to do everything in my power to ensure that I don't miss out again. I want to hold my child the second it takes it's first breath, I want to "labor" like so many woman have in the past and the fact that the medical community in Ventura County won't allow for women to have a VBAC if they choose calls for SERIOUS REFORM!I have found that Los Robles Medical Center in Thousand Oaks does offer VBAC and that a majority of their doctors support this procedure...which leads me to ask are their doctors more competent in their abilities, is the medical facility better equipped than local hospitals or have they just stepped out of the past where "once a c-section, always a c-section" prevailed?I will be finding a physician in Thousand Oaks that will meet my desires and a hospital that will support my decision and just pray that the 30 minute drive to Thousand Oaks when I finally go into labor is not to long for me to handle. This whole situation has been so frustrating as if being pregnant itself doesn't have enough ups and downs!

The makings of a good mother

What makes a good mother? Patience? Compassion? Does it mean have well-disciplined children? Or children who don't fuss and cry?Yesterday at Target a woman approached me and gawked over my children and then stared at amazement at my blooming baby belly and said "You must be such a good mother! Your boys are perfect. And to have another on the way? My goodness...bless your heart"And while I took extreme satisfaction in hearing such a compliment from someone old enough to be my grandmother it got me thinking...what have I done to be a "good" mother. I was blessed and by the grace of God have two incredibly well-rounded little boys who couldn't be better behaved if I asked them to. They rarely cry and when they are fussy I am so convinced that "soemthing must be wrong" because fussy is just not in their character. But, did I make them this way? Or is that just their personality. If you ask my husband, or my mother for that matter...I would probaly be deemed crazy their first 6 months of life. I insisted on a reginmented feeding schedule because I was terrified they wouldn't gain weight and kept them co-sleeping with us until I had to place them diagonally in their co-sleeper and hope they wouldn't hit each other in the middle of the night. But, I am certain THAT doesn't make me a good mother and acutally a bit looney looking back on it. I breastfed twins, which was a task in itself and according to the La Leche League and my nursing nurse, THAT alone made me a "good" mother. How? Because I made that decision? Sure, I did it because I was convinced it was giving the boys a healthier start to life but does not breastfeeding make someone a bad mother? Absolutely not!I have tried to live the healthiest life made possible throughout both of my pregnancies...limit my cravings to unhealthy, fattening substances and try to eat as natural as possible convincing myself that a healthy start...starts with me. But, to be honest their is a certain amount of selfishness imbedded in that argument because most of all I really don't want to come out of pregnancy looking much different than I went in, besides some stretch marks and all...but according to my OB my selfish motives make me a "good" mother. There are so many things that I do in my daily life that label me as "good" mother. But, honestly, what does that mean? Because I am certain their are plenty of things that I let my children do or I do myself that would label me as a "bad" mother in the books of some...or in the books of many. My boys pull each others hair, take each others things and wrestle with each other and I allow it. I figure why should I stop. After fighting my husband on the subject I am sticking with his theory of "boys will be boys". Granted when one gets hurt I pick him up and give him love only to set him back down and they go at it again. Letting my children hurt each other can't possibly make me a "good" mother. I take my kids to daycare so I can run errands. That certainly can't put me in the running for the mother of the year award but until I can learn how to balance groceries on my head while navigating a double stroller it is a neccesary evil.I scold my children. Yes, I know they are only one. But, only being one doesn't mean they don't do things that potentially are going to hurt them. So, yes, when I find my child deciding to stand in his chair or pull things off the shelf I yell. Do they understand...not so much. But, it makes me feel better and regardless of whether I sound like a yelling broken record EVENTUALLY they will learn that chairs are for sitting and mommy's wii belongs on the shelf and not on the floor...or potentially their heads. I put my children into daycare so I could go back to work. *gasp* How could I? How could I choose not to be a stay at home mom? Financially, I couldn't. Currently, I am inflicted with the beautiful illness that is HG and am unable to conjure up the energy, immune system or appetite to work right now so fortunately enough I can stay home with my children. People may ask..."did you have children to put them in daycare?" My response...No, I had children because I wanted a family...providing for the family I chose to create as oppossed to living off of welfare is my choice. So, while putting my children in daycare so I could seek employment may not make me the world's greatest mom I do take credit for providing for my family. So...this has become a tangent of all tangents...but honestly...what makes a "good" mother. Does balancing 20 things at once get your name in the running? Because quite honestly, Kate Gossling manages to do that wonderfully but she has the ability to be a TOTAL bitch. Does breastfeeding as long as possible make you a good mother? Because British mommy Jezebel is STILL breastfeeding her 8 year old which I find deplorable and rather disgusting.Does living a healthy lifestyle and ensuring that your family eat healthy make you a good mother? Because honestly, I think it just makes me someone who enjoys my figure and my health and has little to do with my quality of mothering. So...really...what makes a good mother? Yes, I have found patiece in me that I never knew exisisted, have been forced to make life changes to create a better life for my children and have become someone I wouldn't have recognized 5 years ago...but have thense changes made me a "good" mother? Or have they just made me and average one who was blessed with two amazing little boys.