There is a storm inside my head.

Post-Partum Obsessive Complsive Disorder. Yes, it is a very real thing. Post-Partum Depression is something we all hear about. It is what the doctors warn us about. They say "here are the signs and symptoms. let us know if you feel any of them". But, they don't tell us about the less frequently experienced emotions that we may feel during this time.
I have NEVER in my life been one to obsess about things...until I have been Post partum. With the twins...I stared. Didn't sleep. Just stared for months. I would close my eyes intermittently only to pop them open and continue staring wondering how long I had taken my eyes off them. I obsessed about hurting them. Had nightmares about dropping them and often times had to check and double check to make sure they were both where I had left them. I honestly would worry about forgetting one of them. I would have to pull over while driving to make sure they were both still breathing...and if I didn't this overwhelming sense of doom would lurk over me.
There were no bouts of crying. No irrational thoughts of hurting them. No feeling blue or under the whether...just this compulsive need to check on them.
This time it is very different. I need to clean. I know this obsession is irrational to say the least but it needs to be done. It doesn't matter what time of day or night dishes are not to be left in the dishwasher, crumbs cannot be on the ground and my counters are to be debris free. I feel there is nothing I can do to stop the compulsion to clean. I can't settle down until everything is in it's place. I can't sleep if there are chores left undone and what is worse I KNOW this doesn't make any sense. I have tried and tried again to leave things alone...to calm down and tell myself that "everything will be fine" but it won't. Not in my head. If things don't get done NOTHING will ever get done. Crazy, right?
My doctors cure for this is prescription medication. I HATE DRUGS. I hate the way they make me feel, act and think. I don't want my daughter getting even a little bit of that feeling from taking it. So, I am torn...do I continue with this ugly cycle of cleaning, obessesing and cleaning some more? Or do I go against everything I believe in and take something.