"Friends"

I am pretty sure that right around the time I got pregnant with the twins 90% of my "friends" decided that I wasn't either worth their time or now that I was with child I was simply no longer fun. Around the time I got pregnant with Addy, I am pretty sure a remaining 5% decided that they wanted nothing to do with someone with three kids. It hurt then and it hurts no less now.
Yes, I am married. Yes, I have three kids. Yes, I HAVE CHANGED. But, change pretty much comes in the package when you give birth...and I haven't changed for the worse. If anything, I have become a better, more complete person. Not something that is sub par. When I see old "friends" now...I really don't feel it necessary to say hello...or have pleasant chat. Maybe it is selfish but am I to believe you really care how I am doing? Or how my children and husband are doing? Or are you waiting anxiously to hear how miserable. Trust me, I notice when the twinge of disappointment pops onto your face when I tell you how absolutely amazing my life is. How truly blessed it is in every single way.
I don't really understand it. I understand that having a child (or in my case children) changes the dynamics of a "friendship" but to completely jump ship when you hear the word 'pregnant' like it is a nasty illness you don't want to catch is something completely different. It illustrates that "friendship" never existed...acquaintance at this point may be taking it to far. Someone I once hung out with may be the appropriate phrase. And the disappointment...I don't know. Maybe an expression I am mistaking for jealousy, resentment, anger. I am really not sure. But, what I do know is that people I would have NEVER thought I would have found myself talking to have become some of my closest confidants and those that I used to give my world for who have become no closer to me than complete strangers. You may know my past secrets but you no longer no my life.
I hear your whispers...and I see your looks. Contemplate amongst yourselves how the word "blessed" must really mean "I hate my life" and the word "amazing" is side speak for "miserable" but that is your life not mine. It is sad to see you at the same spot, in the same bar, that I left you in 4 years ago when I realized THAT could no longer be MY life.
So, that said...thanks for the good times. Thank you for assisting in making some of the most un-enjoyable, unsatisfying years of my life...and thank you for illuminating the true definition of a friend.