Breastfeeding.

So, here we are 8 weeks of pumping with the occassional boob thrown in there. And I just want to say...Breastmilk is awesome. Seriously. Breastmilk has not only nourished and sent my midgets growth from the 5th percentile to the 25th in weight and 60th in height but has cured all of my children of a nasty cold daddy brought home. Sure, the boys don't dig the taste but nothing a little chocolate syrup can't fix.
But, really...stuff is amazing Swedish scientists isolated a protein in breast milk called alpha-lactlbalium (don't quote me on my spelling) that has reduced the size of tumors by destroying the cells that they are made up of. It basically attacks the cells and makes them commit cell suicide...how cool is that? Okay...so now that we establish boob milks awesome cancer fighting power how about its use for the treatment of diabetes and Parkinsons disease. Seriously. Boobie milk contains stem cells...stem cells not only have the remarkable ability to turn into whatever the heck you want them too...but have been under some seriuous controversy due to their traditional harvesting. But, how easy are they to harvest now?! Hello breastfeeding mommys! I basically say we are awesome.
Treatment for Alzheimers and other forms of dementia, breastmilk contains glyerophosphochoine, which has been linked to the imporovement of memory and attention in study subjects.
Breastmilk also contains Lauric Acid. It has been long noted that breastmilk could be used on babies faces and scalps to treat baby acne and cradle, this acid is what cures both of these conditions. Scientists have isolated the protein and have found that the acid reduced inflammation and swelling and kills the microbes that create these conditions. It is now being studied in the treatment of adult and teenage acne.
While the benefits of breastmilk are still being researched it has been suggested over and over again that it's benefits are AMAZING.
So, yea...that is my nonsense for the day. Boobs are cool.

There is a storm inside my head.

Post-Partum Obsessive Complsive Disorder. Yes, it is a very real thing. Post-Partum Depression is something we all hear about. It is what the doctors warn us about. They say "here are the signs and symptoms. let us know if you feel any of them". But, they don't tell us about the less frequently experienced emotions that we may feel during this time.
I have NEVER in my life been one to obsess about things...until I have been Post partum. With the twins...I stared. Didn't sleep. Just stared for months. I would close my eyes intermittently only to pop them open and continue staring wondering how long I had taken my eyes off them. I obsessed about hurting them. Had nightmares about dropping them and often times had to check and double check to make sure they were both where I had left them. I honestly would worry about forgetting one of them. I would have to pull over while driving to make sure they were both still breathing...and if I didn't this overwhelming sense of doom would lurk over me.
There were no bouts of crying. No irrational thoughts of hurting them. No feeling blue or under the whether...just this compulsive need to check on them.
This time it is very different. I need to clean. I know this obsession is irrational to say the least but it needs to be done. It doesn't matter what time of day or night dishes are not to be left in the dishwasher, crumbs cannot be on the ground and my counters are to be debris free. I feel there is nothing I can do to stop the compulsion to clean. I can't settle down until everything is in it's place. I can't sleep if there are chores left undone and what is worse I KNOW this doesn't make any sense. I have tried and tried again to leave things alone...to calm down and tell myself that "everything will be fine" but it won't. Not in my head. If things don't get done NOTHING will ever get done. Crazy, right?
My doctors cure for this is prescription medication. I HATE DRUGS. I hate the way they make me feel, act and think. I don't want my daughter getting even a little bit of that feeling from taking it. So, I am torn...do I continue with this ugly cycle of cleaning, obessesing and cleaning some more? Or do I go against everything I believe in and take something.

Screaming

Today is one of those days. Where everyone in my house seems to be screaming as I calmly attempt to maintain my composure. I would much rather scream back, dig a hole somewhere in the front yard and bury my head into it for the remainder of the day.
It doesn't really seem fair that as a SAHM I am forced to be responsible 24/7. I want to cry sometimes too! I would LOVE to take my pants off and throw them down in order to express my discontent with the current situation. There is nothing more that I would like to do then pound my milk cup against the wall while screaming "MO!" at the top of my lungs and have someone refill it...but oh heavens, I am not that lucky. I must be the one to dry the tears, to give hugs and put pants back on their rightful owner and happily fill the milk cups while trying to teach my toddlers that there is no need to yell.
Today is one of those days that rather than hearing the screaming...I would like to be the one doing it. But, sadly, I think such behavior would be incredibly unacceptable. Not to mention I think my neighbors would probaly summons base police to investigate what was going on.
Oh well, now that the thought is lifted, I shall return to my position of mediator, referee, shoulder to cry on, cook, housekeeper and boob