Attachment Parenting.

Attachment Parenting has gotten a lot of greif over the last few years with opponents to this style arguing that parents who practiced this type of parenting were creating co-dependent needy children.
I put my practices somewhere in between attachment parenting and typical authoritative parenting. If you are unsure of the definition of both: authoritative parenting involves rules, structure but also allowing a child to explore boundaries and make decisions. It does not force independence nor does it create co-dependance.
Attachment parenting is based on a few core principles: Responding to cries with sensitivity. Feeding with care (breastfeeding is best). Use of nurturing touch. Ensuring safe sleep; both physically and emotionally. Provide consistent loving care. Practicing positive discipline.
Based on those principles I will first start with saying I am NOT a proponent for CIO-BEFORE 6 Months of age. Children that young should not be forced to self-soothe because of a parents selfish attempt to get a full night sleep. By practicing attachment parenting and responding to a child throughout the day they will naturally begin to mimic their care givers sleep patterns as they feel confident and assured that they are not being deserted. It is important to remember that attachment parenting does not mean never putting your child down but rather responding to their needs quickly and efficiently because most times their cries are based on wanting to be touched. Children are born with the biological need to feel human contact which is especially important during the first month of life. Children establish who they can trust during this critical period and will begin to recognize their care givers by smell, touch and voice.
Feeding with care does not mean you HAVE to breast feed. Bottle feeding (even formula) is perfectly fine if you are feeding with care. Hold your child close during feeding. Allow them to smell you. Allow your child to cue feeding. And if possible be skin to skin during this experience. They will tell you when they are hungry and likewise when they are full. Their little bodies are capable of much more understanding than we sometimes believe.
Baby wearing is great during a childs first month. Running errands with your child firmly attached to you not only provides them shelter from outside noises and sounds that will flood them with stimuli but provides them with the constant reminder that the person who cares for them will not let them go.
Co-sleeping. Another controversial topic. It is a common mis perception that co-sleeping is dangerous and that once a child sleeps in their parents room they will not want to leave. Traditional co-sleeping, or the "family bed", is not something that I support mostly because my bed isn't big enough for all three. While my children have slept in my bed on occasion...I do not sleep well with them co-sleeping in this form. I do, however, feel that children should begin sleeping in their parents room. This not only provides convenience for breastfeeding mothers but allows a child to establish sleep patterns that mimic their care takers before being placed into their own room. This does not create co-dependent children or children who will not sleep by themselves but rather allows them to feel safe at night knowing that their needs will be met immediatly. Children experience a full range of emotions, just as adults do and without having a constant nurturing support it makes it difficult for children to understand and regulate these emotions.
I am not one to knock anyones parenting styles but am one to try and educate misguided parents. Because attachment parenting has taken so much slack lately and so many myths revolve around it I thought I would just clear up some of the misinformation that has surfaced.
Attachment parenting does not create overly spoiled children. It creates self assured children that are confident in their caregivers abilities to respond to their needs. Children that are self assured have less agression later in life, need less supervision, have fewer tantrums and are able to seperate from their care givers much easier when it is developmentally appropriate. Children that do not have secure attachments operate out of fear and anger rather than trust and are more prone to have behaviors that require discipline. Attachment parented children are NOT the center of attention but rather become a natural flow of life...this hold espcially true for me.
Teaching a child to self-soothe before 6 months of age IS NOT harmless. Sleep training is not teaching a child to relax and adjust for sleep it is rather triggering a neurological response called "defeat response", naturally when humans undergo stress our flight, fight or freeze response becomes activated. Infants cannot choose the "flight" response and therefore, go to the "fight" response which includes crying seeking solstice for their emotional need to be comforted. When this is not provided the childs neurological system tells it to "freeze" because it has been defeated. It's needs have not been yet and they will stop crying once they are exhausted. Children that are left to CIO early in life learn that their needs are not important to the parent which creates an unsecure attachment to the care giver.
Positive discipline does not create children that are spoiled or pampered but rather teaches children to have responsibility for their actions. At 12 months of age children can recognize and can begin to understand cause and effect relationships. It is important that these relationships do not become negative ones with their caregivers. Children do not misbehave but rather have a misunderstanding of apporopriate behaviors. With twins, this has become particularly important. Often times when one of my boys misbehaves it is because the other or Addy is being the recipient of my attention and they do not understand how to appropriately seek my attention. By teaching them appropriate behaviors in response to their emotions I am not only ensuring that they understand the emotion they are feeling but that next time they react appropriately to it. A large amount of research has been doing on PD in the classroom setting and it has been shown to be incredibly successful which has led to it being carried from the classroom into the home.
Okay...I realized that this had become an incredibly long and drawn out soap box blog...and if you haven't made it this far. I understand.
But, honestly, so many people ask how I make it through my day and I swear it is because I practice attachment parenting. Yes, my children still throw tantrums and no they are not perfect angels but they understand their place within our daily flow. The boys recognize that their sister needs me just as much, if not more, than they do and seek emtional connection when she is not receiving it. Because I have such well rounded happy little tots, my days are actually pretty easy compared to horror stories I have heard from some.
Okay...done. Seriously.

Missing.

I miss my husband. It doesn't make sense to me that he is in some sort of parallel universe to mine. His night is my day. His day is my night. I sit at home and wait patiently for phone calls that may not come and cling to my phone like it is the source of oxygen because that five minute phone call...gives me just enough of his voice to carry on with my day. I find myself crying over little things...like coffee and PT clothes.
And feel very silly now ever bitching during his last deployment. Kids weren't involved and when he left the only person I had to worry about was myself. Now...even though he is only gone for a short time...I have much more responsibility. I have my family to worry about. Colin and Brendan MISS there daddy like crazy. I am not sure if they know exactly what is wrong but they know that something isn't right.
At bedtime they cling to me as if I may never come back. They look out the window in the living room and ask "daddy". But how on earth do you explain this to a toddler and it is heartbreaking. Going to be alone night after night is something that I am no longer used to. It makes it hard to sleep. I awake in a startle expecting him to be there. I look at the clock quickly thinking "he will be home soon"...and am kicked back into my sad reality that he will be home "soon" but "soon" won't be coming today.
I have temporarily lost my husband...and my best friend. Who do I share my little excitements with? My kids I guess. I have no one here to laugh with, to cry to or to hug and it is a pretty lonely place. Even lonlier when everyone is in bed.
I finally realize what it means to have no time for myself. I get through my day put my kids to bed and realize at 9 pm that the only thing I have eaten is a handful of grapes and graham crackers. I savor the 10 minute shower I take at night as my alone time. And find my zen in watching my children sleep.
Because besides those ten minutes at the end of my day and staring at the peaceful nature of my children in slumber...I have little to cling to...besides a phone call. But, as the days pass...it get's easier. I think...but yea, I REALLY miss my husband.

Colin, Brendan and One Big Word.

Idioglossia, it is a term used to describe "twin talk", which is the language that many twins speak amongst each other. This "secret language" that my boys share is quite amazing, they speak to one another, respond to one another and interact with one another while my husband and I sit perplexed at how they could possibly understand what is being "said". But, nothing is being said at all. "Twin Talk" actually occurs because one twin is mimiking the immature and underdeveloped language characteristics of the other. What this ultimately does is delay the speech progression of the children.
My twins were evaluated today by a speech therapist that assured me that this was the most common problem among multiples and is a problem that is easily corrected with extensive speech therapy as well as "independent interaction training". WTH? I thought. I never thought of seperating my boys! They love each other. ALOT. And neither of them have ever been apart for more than a few minutes. But, seperating them and allowing them to interact with other children and adults independent of each other forces them out of their formed language to learn the proper way to say things, use language and force communication.
This idea was amazing to me. That they have truly created their own language of sorts, not based on the secret twin voodoo that exists, but because neither has developed their language skills so their interactions, other than with me and my husband, are limited to incorrect ones.
The other big problem in their language development...? ME. Yep, I said it. And I fully admit to my faults. I AM A PROBLEM IN THIS EQUATION. It is much simpler to fulfill their needs than forcing them to vocalize what they want. My children know a limited number of words in sign language and they are well aware of how to get what they want. They want a snack they pull their high chairs out and crawl in. They want juice, they hand me their cups. They want me to play they bring me toys and pull on me. I don't FORCE them to use words. There is simply not enough time in my day...or so I thought. I knew months ago that there was a language delay and kept telling myself they will catch up. They haven't. If anything they are getting further behind. It is a frustrating place to be at. I have an enorormous problem with labeling children...especially my own...or should I say I HAD an enormous problem. I have realized that this situation is simply beyond my expertise. Being a mom, sometimes isn't the only qualifications one needs to help their children excel. I just wish I would have addressed the problem sooner.
Because now I have two boys, two amazing and beautiful boys, who are functioning above their age in gross physical and motor skills, functioning at age level at comprehension of language and expression but are falling nearly TWELVE MONTHS behind in vocal development. TWELVE MONTHS. I almost cried. But, realize that I am only human and there is only so much time in the day and after being assured and reassured that this will all be okay, that this is completely normal and very common for multiples and accepting that beginning Monday morning my children will be labled as "verbally delayed". I am okay with this.
STAY STRONG AND CARRY ON, right?

Kangaroo Care

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-500430/Doctors-gave-20oz-baby-dead---I-saved-life-cuddle.html

So in order to understand this blog you need to read the link.
I am incredibly passionate about Kangaroo Care. For those of you unfamiliar with the term it refers to the idea of a newborn child being given to it's mother immediatly after birth. This article is amazing and shows that true miracle that exists when a child is born. Children are meant to immedialtely be embraced by their mother. SKIN TO SKIN. This type of contact not only encourages the let down of a mothers milk but encourages the newborn to naturally find and latch on to a mothers breast. It enables to baby to receive the same warmth that they were receiving in utero. And new studies have suggested that skin to skin contact between mother and child in the days after birth reduces the rate of "baby blues".
When my twins were born, they were born via cesarean. An uncomplicated cesarean, came in weighing the size of signletons, suffered no complications and yet they were whisked away to the NICU unit where they stayed for HOURS. I asked for my children numerous times. I wanted to breast feed them immediatly but the hospital would not bring them to me. I knew after that experience I never wanted that to happen again. I lost the first hours of their life to a hospital staff that had little regard for my wants and desires (all though I LOVED my nurses--after the first day). That experience sparked my desire to seek out a VBAC during my second pregnancy which i was not able to have...but Adelyn's delivery was much different. Though she also was born cesarean, there were complications. At some point during my surgery my core body temperature began dropping VERY quickly which meant her body temperature was dropping quickly too. My uterus began contracting abnormally which was placing unneeded pressure on her. Once she was successfully delivered I was put back together and taken to the recovery room. Within seconds of arriving, my angel of a surgical nurse came in and said "she is having some trouble regulating her body temperature" I almost started crying. I wanted her then! Not in a couple of hours per my last experience...and then she said "Let me bring her to you. You guys can help each other" (My temperature was still only about 96 at this point). Withint 15 minutes Addy and I were snug as little bugs. It was amazing to realize that we were practically breathing in unison and an incredible experience to have her with me so soon.
I LOVE CMH because of their kangaroo care practices. A mothers touch and love cannot be replaced by machines. Baby warmers or blankets.
This article is truly a testament to that. : )

And for those of you not familiar with conversion 20 oz is 1 lbs 4 oz. That truly is the tiniest baby I have ever heard of surviving!