parenting and junk.

AS a mother of twins at 23...I was completely LOST. Seriously, I broke down in tears...crying on the floor of my moms bedroom saying "I can't do this". But, someewhere inside me I found the strength to make it through sleepless nights, 2 am breastfeedings and poopy diapers up to my ears. Because I knew nothing about parenting and even less about parenting twins I made it my goal to educate myself on all issues baby. Breast feeding, co-sleeping, parenting styles, car seats and vaccinations.
Breast feeding the twins was not an easy task and unfortunately I was unable to keep up a supply to EBF them passed 4 months but I did what I couldand gave them what I could and for that I was happy. With Addy I was DEAD set on keeping this girl EBF for a year and here we are 2 months shy of her first birthday and I am still producing enough to keep my monkey happy and have enough stowed away to be a milk momma for an incredibly amazing family. There is no greater gift that I feel I can give besides that of health and of course spit-ups that don't stain everything. : )
Breast milk is liquid Gold...it prevents infection, builds up anti bodies, is naturally friendly to a babies GI system and is ALWAYS available...not to mention the perfect formulation of calories, fats, vitamins and minerals for a baby to thrive. I couldn't keep up with the boys and would never, ever say a mother wasn't doing her part if she was trying. I would, however, suggest that the lack of trying was incredibly selfish...and leave it at that. Their your boobs not mine and it is your child's health you are toying with.
As far as co-sleeping goes all three of my children co-slept with us until they were 9 months old. It worked for our family and created an incredible bond with my children. Knowing that they were always within arms reach was satisfying and reassuring as I struggled through the first months of anxiety and OCD. Reaching over and feeling their heart beat was a solid reminder that they were there and that they were mine.
Vaccinations are ugly little critters and are tricky as all heck to navigate around. When the boys were young we had an incredibly amazing family doctor who recommended and used an alternative vaccination schedule. Monthly the boys had an appointment to recieve vaccinations which allowed them to be spaced out, allowed any problems to be caught early and allowed me to be an active participant in their vaccination schedule. I don't buy into the "vaccinations cause autism" argument. I do, however, feel that vaccinations are scary things, too many are given at one time and doctors are all to quick to criticize parents for using alternative schedules. The CDC is not God and neither is my childs pediatrician. My boys were able to becone vaccinated without problem or upset my daughter on the other hand had a major side effect to what we are guessing was the DPT vaccination. There is no feeling more heart breaking than watching your newborn sieze, vomit and become practically unresponsive...so sure...knock my vaccination habits but until you can transport yourself back to that day in that doctors office I suggest you stay silent. My child will be fully vaccinated by the time she starts school...minus the few that are completely impractical and unnecessary and I will get waived by the State of California.
I have taken a considerable amount of heat from my carseat issues. My children were restrained Rear Facing until the age of two. Were they too tall? No absolutely not. Were their knees bunched and practically sitting cross legged? Absolutely. BUT it is recommended by the AAP that the SAFEST option for children is to be this way until at least the age of TWO or 30 pounds. There is a good possibility that I would have attempted to keep them rear facing until they turned 30 lbs if it wasn't for my husband pressuring "it is time".
Car seat safety is a no brainer. If someone is saying "this is the safest option" why wouldn't you do it? Yes, I am incredibly passionate about it because I have done my research I have watched the Internal decapitation videos and have talked to multiple CHP officers that have shared somee incredibly scary statistics with me.
I know that this is a relatively new recommendation but it will soon be state law (at least in California) which will deem it Child Endangerment for a child under two to be forward facing. It is ignorance for parents not to keep up to date on these laws and recommendations...and pratically stoning me for sharing these facts is kinda inappropriate. If you don't want to hear your safest options don't listen but don't tell me I am wrong for sharing the information.
I am not a perfect parent. Would never claim to be but I am educated. Do keep up to date on my information and feel it is important to share new information with my friends.

Thanks.

"Friends"

I am pretty sure that right around the time I got pregnant with the twins 90% of my "friends" decided that I wasn't either worth their time or now that I was with child I was simply no longer fun. Around the time I got pregnant with Addy, I am pretty sure a remaining 5% decided that they wanted nothing to do with someone with three kids. It hurt then and it hurts no less now.
Yes, I am married. Yes, I have three kids. Yes, I HAVE CHANGED. But, change pretty much comes in the package when you give birth...and I haven't changed for the worse. If anything, I have become a better, more complete person. Not something that is sub par. When I see old "friends" now...I really don't feel it necessary to say hello...or have pleasant chat. Maybe it is selfish but am I to believe you really care how I am doing? Or how my children and husband are doing? Or are you waiting anxiously to hear how miserable. Trust me, I notice when the twinge of disappointment pops onto your face when I tell you how absolutely amazing my life is. How truly blessed it is in every single way.
I don't really understand it. I understand that having a child (or in my case children) changes the dynamics of a "friendship" but to completely jump ship when you hear the word 'pregnant' like it is a nasty illness you don't want to catch is something completely different. It illustrates that "friendship" never existed...acquaintance at this point may be taking it to far. Someone I once hung out with may be the appropriate phrase. And the disappointment...I don't know. Maybe an expression I am mistaking for jealousy, resentment, anger. I am really not sure. But, what I do know is that people I would have NEVER thought I would have found myself talking to have become some of my closest confidants and those that I used to give my world for who have become no closer to me than complete strangers. You may know my past secrets but you no longer no my life.
I hear your whispers...and I see your looks. Contemplate amongst yourselves how the word "blessed" must really mean "I hate my life" and the word "amazing" is side speak for "miserable" but that is your life not mine. It is sad to see you at the same spot, in the same bar, that I left you in 4 years ago when I realized THAT could no longer be MY life.
So, that said...thanks for the good times. Thank you for assisting in making some of the most un-enjoyable, unsatisfying years of my life...and thank you for illuminating the true definition of a friend.

3 months.

So, it has been a little over three months since I have had my surgery. Happy doesn't begin to describe how I feel about the results.
I have abdominal definition...though I am definately going to need to work on a six pack and have a flat stomach FREE of sagging skin.
I vaguely remember after the surgery asking myself "why the hell did I do this?"
Now, I can see why. It was worth every ounce of pain and discomfort that I was in and was worth the uncomfortable recovery process without a doubt.
My belly button is still red around the edges, which is attributed less blood flow to the area which has made it slow to heal.
For awhile it was a having a rather triangular shape but it is gradually starting to look like something that is natural rather than something that was surgically relocated.
The skin sensations are still strange. From my belly button down, it feels like, the skin has fallen asleep so everytime I touch it it feels rather tingly. Sometimes when clothes rub against it, it feels kinda strange but I am getting used to the weird sensations. My doctor assures me that over time most of the feeling should come back to normal...but nerves on regenerate at 1-2 mm a day...so I have quite sometime on my hand.
My scar is flat in all areas but about an inch and a half on the right hand side. (The doctor will inject cortisol to the area if it does not flatten out). It is still a rather dark shade that I am not necessarily happy with but the trade off was definately worth it.
I have sucessfully brought my weight down to between 116-120, given the day of the week and am proud that my hard work and dedication ultimately paid off. Now just to tone this booty of mine. Alright...kiddos screaming. Gotta jet.

The New Tummy

Okay. So it has been 2 weeks and 1 day since my abdominoplasty and I honestly couldn't be happier with the results. I am going to be completely honest the first week was MISERABLE! Not painful by any means but MISERABLE. I had these awkward tube things sticking out of my body catching risidual nonsense and attempting to reduce the amount of fluid in my swollen abdomen (I know TMI) and then I had my pain pump which was pretty much magic in an awkward square aparatus. It injected a lovely combination of a anesthetic and morphine. FANTASTIC. I had it for 3 days...then not so fantastic. But nothing a little vicodin couldn't fix.
I walked like an old lady. Hunched over and slow as all hell and damn DID I HAVE A BACKACHE. It is amazing how much work our abdomens perform just when standing up straight and when you are relying on everything BUT them it is less than comfortable. And sleeping...uggg...I am a side sleeper. Which was, and still is out of the question. I have to lay on my back with my legs elevated and it is the most annoying thing ever. You would think the pain would keep me from sleeping? No...the lack of being able to sleep on my side kept me from sleeping but I am slowly getting used to it and was given permission to "try" side lying...we will see what happens. When the tubes came out, after a week, I honestly felt like a new person and not a freakish version of a high school science experiment. Showering felt amazing and having the freedom of actually wearing REAL pants as opposed to yoga pants was amazing (okay...so I am still totally living in yoga pants). So, at day 7 (same day I got the tubes removed...which was also the same day Steven came home, therefore making it the best Thursday in recent years) I got to see my tummy steri strip free. I was actually kind of taken back by the bruising, swelling and overall ickified appearance of what once was my stomach. I laid on the table actually thinking "what the hell did I do to myself". But, the thought was transient and quickly left my head as I examined myself in the awkward lighting of the post surgery room and realized ALL--that is right ALL of my stretch marks were gone. And swollen or not, dammit...it looked pretty damn good.
The second week went by pretty darn quickly...mostly because Steven was home and I was on cloud 9...but like anything in my life it didn't go by quickly without incident. Incident 1.) My belly button was dying. Seriously. Okay well, I found out today that it was a hematoma that the doctor sliced open and drained (tmi, I know) but yea...Monday it was dying...but not really. Does that even make sense? LOL.
Incident 2.) Colin slammed Brendans fingers in the door. Brendan screams. Mommy picks up Brendan. Mommy screams. Yea...worst pain since like 4 days post surgery the kind that curls you up in a little bawl and makes you want to punch something.
Thankfully, I didn't tear anything just kinda tugged on my stitches a little but but they are in tact but the area is still rather tender.
I have gone shopping and even with the swelling and abdominal binder one it is INCREDIBLY liberating to have clothes fit right...to not have to worry about my "pooch" showing through something and to not have to worry about my belly sneaking out of the bottom of a shirt. I can see abs...real ones...like ones I haven't seen since I was about 18. It is the most amazing experience ever. EVER. EVER.
I absolutely love my new figure...not that I didn't love the one I have before...but now everything fits. I don't feel oddly seperated from my middle section and I finally feel like I am back to ME!
Anywho...yea...so that is the last two weeks in a nutshell and now here and finally are the results of the tummy tuck. Excuse the red belly button...he was assaulted today...not to mention I had a latex bandaid on him when I am allergic to the crap.



And For Shits and giggles here is my science experiment look.

Tommorrow.

Okay. So after long awaited anticipation tommorrow is almost here. I have been hesitant to share with anyone other than those who are near and dear to me what exactly I am having done. So here it is. I am having an abdominoplasty.
I have taken a fair amount of slack from some of my family members and friends regarding this procedure which is part of my reason for being hesitant to share with people. But, there it is. Out in the open. If you have a problem with it I suggest you suck my big toe.
So I do want to discuss a few things. My biggest criticism that has come from people is "but you are so thin now". My abdominoplasty has nothing to do with weight loss, although I WILL lose about TWO to THREE pounds of extra skin. I currently weigh 117 pounds and can honestly say I am the thinnest I have been since high school. My bmi has been calculated at 20.3% which is pretty damn close to perfect...and fully clothed I will say I look pretty good for having three children under the age of two. But, without the clothes is a different story. I have two things going on with my belly. A. A medical condition called diastatis recti, this condition means that my abdominal muscles are seperated beyond the point of return. When I had the twins, lets remember they were both larger than my recent addition, my abdominal muscles ended up on each side of the gigantic mountain that the boys created in place of my stomach. I also exploded to a numerical figure that I thought I would never reach on the scale 211. That is right I gained roughly 75 pounds during that pregnancy. So, back to the diastasis...this creates a number of legitimate MEDICAL problems. 1. Back pain, a weak abdominal core means your back muscles have to work twice as hard. 2. Risk of hernia (I have already had a pretty significant one corrected.)
3. Reduced abdominal structure that could result in the shifting of internal organs.
Okay, so now that the medical part of this is out of the way yes, a LARGE...and by LARGE I mean 99.9% part of this is "cosmetic" and "selfish"...as the choice words of a few. I am 26 years old which means that I have to live in THIS body for at least 60 more years. I am done having children.
My belly, looks like pizza dough, honest to God...and if you don't want to see the picture STOP READING NOW AND EXIT because I decided I may as well show everyone what this looks like so you can understand where I am coming from.
It is fondly refered to by M.O.M.s as twin tummy. It happens to the best of us. There are those moms that bounce back from babies looking gorgeous and amazing and then there are others (aka myself) who have 13 pounds of child in her that despite every honest attempt could not keep my belly beautiful.
I love my children with everything in me and don't want to look back 10 years from now resenting them and my husband for leaving me with a body I despise. I want to look in the mirror without wanting to cry. I want to feel comfortable in the skin that God gave me and if it takes a doctor to get me there then so be it. I understand that he may not be a miracle worker but he is the closest thing to one I can think of.
I have people tell me "be happy with who you are"...these people CLEARLY have no idea what this feels like.
There are days when I don't want to leave my house because I feel like I look "pregnant". I cry more days than not because I catch a sight of my stomach in the mirror. I haven't gone without wearing an abdominal supporter a SINGLE day besides though that I was pregnant with Addy. I haven't been able to shop without restraint because some things just don't look right with such a small waist and this strange, doughy lump and I can't wait for those days to be gone. I want to take my children to the beach and be happy to wear a bathing suit. Hell, I am not even being picky a one peice will do...which at this point isn't even possible.
I want to wear a little black dress without feeling like people are crticizing what I look like and I want my belly to match the rest of my body.
So, call it vanity...say it is selfish...but it is ME doing ME.
If you don't like it and don't support it...you can get bent because those who love me most have seen the tears that I have cried and know the pain that I feel...and selfish pain or not it hurts and is psychologically overwhelming. I can honestly say (excuse my french here), of all the times I have been psychologically mind fucked by myself this is the worst. Maybe it is part body dysmorphic disorder and maybe part OCD but literally feeling displaced from my abdomen is the strangest feeling ever. I honestly want to kill it...clearly, I don't want to kill myself...but IT I want IT gone.
It is strange to feel like a part of you doesn't belong. Strange, strange feeling. And I want it gone. And this surgery is going to provide that. Make the tears go away. Make the pain go away and finally give me what I need to be comfortable in my own skin. Give me back some of the confidence that I have lost with this "twin tummy" that I have been given and give me back a part of myself...so like I said. There it is. Out in the open. Welcome to my world.

The dust settles.

So, a month and a couple days has passed since Steven was deployed. And I must say I have a new found respect for military wives throughout the years. It is amazing to me that people would and still wait weeks for phone calls and letters when I spend my entire day looking forward to a phone call that may last only five minutes.
I find a certain motivation in accomplishing the days tasks before my evening phone call rolls around...and to be honest...I think I very well may go crazy without it.

But, overall, this month hasn't been that bad. I have learned how to do things I NEVER thought I would have to do. I have successfully managed to kill a number of spiders (leaving the black widow to the Orkin man of course), have climbed on rafters, learned how to operate a lawn mower, unclogged a drain and fixed a broken cabinet door. It isn't that I have been "uncapable" of doing these things...it was simply easier to have Steven do them. Knowing how, is awesome I guess, but I would take having him home any day over the 10 seconds of liberation I feel when I have the "I got this shit handled" moment happens.

My children, well, at least the boys. Have become the spawn of Satan...or maybe have just turned into exact replicas of their father as a toddler. They scream, they bite, the kick, the ignore, the scream, they throw tantrums. It isn't funny or cute and there have been days that it has taken everything in me not to pull my hair out, lock my children in their room and scream at the top of my lungs. But...I have managed. Deep breaths and evening time wine have made these days bearable. Kind of.
The boys have been approved for early intervention speech therapy and will begin services on Tuesday morning, though they have started talking up a store in recent weeks I am excited to learn more about idioglossia and what I can do to help them develop a correct speech pattern.

Adelyn is growing like a weed and has managed to double her birth weight (quite an accomplishment for a 4 month old) and jumped to the 80th percentile in height. My once petite little princess is hopefully going to be tall and lean like dad and not short and crooked like her mom.

So, it has been a month. Strangely, not much...but so much has happened. And it has been hard not having Steven here t experience the successes with me as they happen throughout the day. I can't call him in excitement when Adelyn sits without tipping for 5 seconds or when the boys learn a new word. I have to keep it inside and hope I remember. I feel bas sharing the successes with others before I tell him so I usually keep it inside...just waiting for daddy to be the first to know.

Making it through this month has taught me a lot about myself and about my kids. It has taught me that when I say "I can't" it normally means I don't want to. It has made me realize that a lot can be accomplised in a 12 hour day. It has taught me the value of the 5 minutes of silence I receive in the shower at the end of my day. It has made me value sleep and has given me a new found respect for ALL military wives and ALL single moms. It has taught me the value of taking a deep breath when I want to scream and reminded me that sometimes the only option is drowning out the chaos because no hug or kiss that I can provide will fill in for daddy.

My boys miss their dad. I am not sure that they know that...but they do. And it sucks. But...we are getting through...so as the dust settles I need to take a deep breath, brush myself off and get ready for another month of chaos as I start counting down the days until I get an ounce of sleep, an ounce of freedom and my hubby back.

Attachment Parenting.

Attachment Parenting has gotten a lot of greif over the last few years with opponents to this style arguing that parents who practiced this type of parenting were creating co-dependent needy children.
I put my practices somewhere in between attachment parenting and typical authoritative parenting. If you are unsure of the definition of both: authoritative parenting involves rules, structure but also allowing a child to explore boundaries and make decisions. It does not force independence nor does it create co-dependance.
Attachment parenting is based on a few core principles: Responding to cries with sensitivity. Feeding with care (breastfeeding is best). Use of nurturing touch. Ensuring safe sleep; both physically and emotionally. Provide consistent loving care. Practicing positive discipline.
Based on those principles I will first start with saying I am NOT a proponent for CIO-BEFORE 6 Months of age. Children that young should not be forced to self-soothe because of a parents selfish attempt to get a full night sleep. By practicing attachment parenting and responding to a child throughout the day they will naturally begin to mimic their care givers sleep patterns as they feel confident and assured that they are not being deserted. It is important to remember that attachment parenting does not mean never putting your child down but rather responding to their needs quickly and efficiently because most times their cries are based on wanting to be touched. Children are born with the biological need to feel human contact which is especially important during the first month of life. Children establish who they can trust during this critical period and will begin to recognize their care givers by smell, touch and voice.
Feeding with care does not mean you HAVE to breast feed. Bottle feeding (even formula) is perfectly fine if you are feeding with care. Hold your child close during feeding. Allow them to smell you. Allow your child to cue feeding. And if possible be skin to skin during this experience. They will tell you when they are hungry and likewise when they are full. Their little bodies are capable of much more understanding than we sometimes believe.
Baby wearing is great during a childs first month. Running errands with your child firmly attached to you not only provides them shelter from outside noises and sounds that will flood them with stimuli but provides them with the constant reminder that the person who cares for them will not let them go.
Co-sleeping. Another controversial topic. It is a common mis perception that co-sleeping is dangerous and that once a child sleeps in their parents room they will not want to leave. Traditional co-sleeping, or the "family bed", is not something that I support mostly because my bed isn't big enough for all three. While my children have slept in my bed on occasion...I do not sleep well with them co-sleeping in this form. I do, however, feel that children should begin sleeping in their parents room. This not only provides convenience for breastfeeding mothers but allows a child to establish sleep patterns that mimic their care takers before being placed into their own room. This does not create co-dependent children or children who will not sleep by themselves but rather allows them to feel safe at night knowing that their needs will be met immediatly. Children experience a full range of emotions, just as adults do and without having a constant nurturing support it makes it difficult for children to understand and regulate these emotions.
I am not one to knock anyones parenting styles but am one to try and educate misguided parents. Because attachment parenting has taken so much slack lately and so many myths revolve around it I thought I would just clear up some of the misinformation that has surfaced.
Attachment parenting does not create overly spoiled children. It creates self assured children that are confident in their caregivers abilities to respond to their needs. Children that are self assured have less agression later in life, need less supervision, have fewer tantrums and are able to seperate from their care givers much easier when it is developmentally appropriate. Children that do not have secure attachments operate out of fear and anger rather than trust and are more prone to have behaviors that require discipline. Attachment parented children are NOT the center of attention but rather become a natural flow of life...this hold espcially true for me.
Teaching a child to self-soothe before 6 months of age IS NOT harmless. Sleep training is not teaching a child to relax and adjust for sleep it is rather triggering a neurological response called "defeat response", naturally when humans undergo stress our flight, fight or freeze response becomes activated. Infants cannot choose the "flight" response and therefore, go to the "fight" response which includes crying seeking solstice for their emotional need to be comforted. When this is not provided the childs neurological system tells it to "freeze" because it has been defeated. It's needs have not been yet and they will stop crying once they are exhausted. Children that are left to CIO early in life learn that their needs are not important to the parent which creates an unsecure attachment to the care giver.
Positive discipline does not create children that are spoiled or pampered but rather teaches children to have responsibility for their actions. At 12 months of age children can recognize and can begin to understand cause and effect relationships. It is important that these relationships do not become negative ones with their caregivers. Children do not misbehave but rather have a misunderstanding of apporopriate behaviors. With twins, this has become particularly important. Often times when one of my boys misbehaves it is because the other or Addy is being the recipient of my attention and they do not understand how to appropriately seek my attention. By teaching them appropriate behaviors in response to their emotions I am not only ensuring that they understand the emotion they are feeling but that next time they react appropriately to it. A large amount of research has been doing on PD in the classroom setting and it has been shown to be incredibly successful which has led to it being carried from the classroom into the home.
Okay...I realized that this had become an incredibly long and drawn out soap box blog...and if you haven't made it this far. I understand.
But, honestly, so many people ask how I make it through my day and I swear it is because I practice attachment parenting. Yes, my children still throw tantrums and no they are not perfect angels but they understand their place within our daily flow. The boys recognize that their sister needs me just as much, if not more, than they do and seek emtional connection when she is not receiving it. Because I have such well rounded happy little tots, my days are actually pretty easy compared to horror stories I have heard from some.
Okay...done. Seriously.

Missing.

I miss my husband. It doesn't make sense to me that he is in some sort of parallel universe to mine. His night is my day. His day is my night. I sit at home and wait patiently for phone calls that may not come and cling to my phone like it is the source of oxygen because that five minute phone call...gives me just enough of his voice to carry on with my day. I find myself crying over little things...like coffee and PT clothes.
And feel very silly now ever bitching during his last deployment. Kids weren't involved and when he left the only person I had to worry about was myself. Now...even though he is only gone for a short time...I have much more responsibility. I have my family to worry about. Colin and Brendan MISS there daddy like crazy. I am not sure if they know exactly what is wrong but they know that something isn't right.
At bedtime they cling to me as if I may never come back. They look out the window in the living room and ask "daddy". But how on earth do you explain this to a toddler and it is heartbreaking. Going to be alone night after night is something that I am no longer used to. It makes it hard to sleep. I awake in a startle expecting him to be there. I look at the clock quickly thinking "he will be home soon"...and am kicked back into my sad reality that he will be home "soon" but "soon" won't be coming today.
I have temporarily lost my husband...and my best friend. Who do I share my little excitements with? My kids I guess. I have no one here to laugh with, to cry to or to hug and it is a pretty lonely place. Even lonlier when everyone is in bed.
I finally realize what it means to have no time for myself. I get through my day put my kids to bed and realize at 9 pm that the only thing I have eaten is a handful of grapes and graham crackers. I savor the 10 minute shower I take at night as my alone time. And find my zen in watching my children sleep.
Because besides those ten minutes at the end of my day and staring at the peaceful nature of my children in slumber...I have little to cling to...besides a phone call. But, as the days pass...it get's easier. I think...but yea, I REALLY miss my husband.

Colin, Brendan and One Big Word.

Idioglossia, it is a term used to describe "twin talk", which is the language that many twins speak amongst each other. This "secret language" that my boys share is quite amazing, they speak to one another, respond to one another and interact with one another while my husband and I sit perplexed at how they could possibly understand what is being "said". But, nothing is being said at all. "Twin Talk" actually occurs because one twin is mimiking the immature and underdeveloped language characteristics of the other. What this ultimately does is delay the speech progression of the children.
My twins were evaluated today by a speech therapist that assured me that this was the most common problem among multiples and is a problem that is easily corrected with extensive speech therapy as well as "independent interaction training". WTH? I thought. I never thought of seperating my boys! They love each other. ALOT. And neither of them have ever been apart for more than a few minutes. But, seperating them and allowing them to interact with other children and adults independent of each other forces them out of their formed language to learn the proper way to say things, use language and force communication.
This idea was amazing to me. That they have truly created their own language of sorts, not based on the secret twin voodoo that exists, but because neither has developed their language skills so their interactions, other than with me and my husband, are limited to incorrect ones.
The other big problem in their language development...? ME. Yep, I said it. And I fully admit to my faults. I AM A PROBLEM IN THIS EQUATION. It is much simpler to fulfill their needs than forcing them to vocalize what they want. My children know a limited number of words in sign language and they are well aware of how to get what they want. They want a snack they pull their high chairs out and crawl in. They want juice, they hand me their cups. They want me to play they bring me toys and pull on me. I don't FORCE them to use words. There is simply not enough time in my day...or so I thought. I knew months ago that there was a language delay and kept telling myself they will catch up. They haven't. If anything they are getting further behind. It is a frustrating place to be at. I have an enorormous problem with labeling children...especially my own...or should I say I HAD an enormous problem. I have realized that this situation is simply beyond my expertise. Being a mom, sometimes isn't the only qualifications one needs to help their children excel. I just wish I would have addressed the problem sooner.
Because now I have two boys, two amazing and beautiful boys, who are functioning above their age in gross physical and motor skills, functioning at age level at comprehension of language and expression but are falling nearly TWELVE MONTHS behind in vocal development. TWELVE MONTHS. I almost cried. But, realize that I am only human and there is only so much time in the day and after being assured and reassured that this will all be okay, that this is completely normal and very common for multiples and accepting that beginning Monday morning my children will be labled as "verbally delayed". I am okay with this.
STAY STRONG AND CARRY ON, right?

Kangaroo Care

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-500430/Doctors-gave-20oz-baby-dead---I-saved-life-cuddle.html

So in order to understand this blog you need to read the link.
I am incredibly passionate about Kangaroo Care. For those of you unfamiliar with the term it refers to the idea of a newborn child being given to it's mother immediatly after birth. This article is amazing and shows that true miracle that exists when a child is born. Children are meant to immedialtely be embraced by their mother. SKIN TO SKIN. This type of contact not only encourages the let down of a mothers milk but encourages the newborn to naturally find and latch on to a mothers breast. It enables to baby to receive the same warmth that they were receiving in utero. And new studies have suggested that skin to skin contact between mother and child in the days after birth reduces the rate of "baby blues".
When my twins were born, they were born via cesarean. An uncomplicated cesarean, came in weighing the size of signletons, suffered no complications and yet they were whisked away to the NICU unit where they stayed for HOURS. I asked for my children numerous times. I wanted to breast feed them immediatly but the hospital would not bring them to me. I knew after that experience I never wanted that to happen again. I lost the first hours of their life to a hospital staff that had little regard for my wants and desires (all though I LOVED my nurses--after the first day). That experience sparked my desire to seek out a VBAC during my second pregnancy which i was not able to have...but Adelyn's delivery was much different. Though she also was born cesarean, there were complications. At some point during my surgery my core body temperature began dropping VERY quickly which meant her body temperature was dropping quickly too. My uterus began contracting abnormally which was placing unneeded pressure on her. Once she was successfully delivered I was put back together and taken to the recovery room. Within seconds of arriving, my angel of a surgical nurse came in and said "she is having some trouble regulating her body temperature" I almost started crying. I wanted her then! Not in a couple of hours per my last experience...and then she said "Let me bring her to you. You guys can help each other" (My temperature was still only about 96 at this point). Withint 15 minutes Addy and I were snug as little bugs. It was amazing to realize that we were practically breathing in unison and an incredible experience to have her with me so soon.
I LOVE CMH because of their kangaroo care practices. A mothers touch and love cannot be replaced by machines. Baby warmers or blankets.
This article is truly a testament to that. : )

And for those of you not familiar with conversion 20 oz is 1 lbs 4 oz. That truly is the tiniest baby I have ever heard of surviving!

Please Mind Your Own. Thanks.

Okay...so this has something that has been building for more than quite awhile. So, it is going to be ALL over the place. So, advanced apologies for the scatter brained nature of this rant.
First, I understand that I look completely ridiculous pushing three children under the age of 2 in a six foot long stroller...but let me tell you this...YOU look even more ridiculous with that dumb founded look on your face. Asking stupid ass questions like "are they all yours?" "did you plan it this way?""how old are you? how do you do this?" aren't necessary. Trust me...I wouldn't CHOOSE to push around this monstrosity of a stroller if they weren't all mine and what business of yours is it whether I planned it this way? I am trying to beat out the Octo-Mom but can't find a doctor to implant me with that many eggs. What difference is my age? As if age is an indication of how well I can mother my children. And how I do it isn't a question I can answer. It is a neccessary must and I am very happy doing so. If you are going to "whisper" and say stupid things like "oh my God, look!"...you should probaly learn to work on your quiet voice which was a skill I swear I mastered when I was in first grade. If you are going to share your opinion with me...please make sure it is a positive one...because saying dumb things like "I so don't envy you" is uncalled for. What is there not to envy? I have an amazing, beautiful and most importantly HEALTHY family! There is nothing about my situation that is negative. Yes. I have my moments when I wish things turned out different that there was a larger age difference in my children and that I could have 1/2 an ounce of freedom but there is NOTHING about my life NOT to envy. So, thanks for your opinion.
Secondly...having inked skin has nothing to do with ones mothering ability. I love my tattoos. I think they are an amazing form of self-expression and individuality and am going to teach my children the issue of acceptance of everyone from the day they can grasp the concept. Because I am not walking around in a Gap sweater, a pair of khakis and some loafers does not mean I am not a good mother. It just means I am a mother who likes to hold on to my self. I have lost a large part of who I was to the role of mother and wife but NO ONE...not even you and your snide ass comments and looks can take away the way I decorate my temple. The money should could not and would not be spent in better places. My children are well dressed, my house is stocked with food, my rent is paid and I am not living off of government assistance so I will spend my excess money as I see fit. Thanks for your concern on my fiscal situation though. And on that subject please don't assume that because my husband is in the military and that we have 4395742098 kids that YOU are fronting my bills. You aren't so don't worry your pretty little head off. China is covering me for the time being.
Lastly, my weight is a subject that need not be on the lips of others. My ass size and waist size aren't the concern of anyone but my own. It is laughable that one would suggest that I have an eating disorder. I eat plenty. I just have taught myself how to eat healthy. I work out. And I chase toddlers around all day. I make milk. All of these things increase my metabolism therefore decreasing my ass size. I am guessing the same people that have started the ugly rumors do not have children and if they do never gave breastfeeding a chance because weight is literally FALLING off. But, then again I produce enough milk to feed a small army of children. On this subject, I am not doing drugs or taking weight loss formulas. I love my daughter and want her to have the happiest and healthiest food I can possibly produce...although I am not sure how healthy my lunch time cheeseburger was...I love her to the moon and back and would never do anything to compromise her health. So, like I said...you silly, silly folks. Breastfeed, exercise and learn how to eat right and stop worrying about my body.
Okay...I think that is all. So now that my vent sesh is done. Mind your own business. Thanks. : )

Adeventure of the day.

Spoons. Today the boys used spoons. Not to eat something like pudding or yogurt that sticks nicely without making a mess but to eat cheerios. In milk. Yes, the end result was rather disasterous. But up until the point that the bowl made it's upside down debut they did awesome. Pick up spoon. Put in bowl. Put in mouth. It is easy to forget how awesome the little things are. And how such little tasks in my life are such big advances in theres. My boys are basically awesome.

A drug free home

Today while perusing on a mothers of multiples I read an amazing article written by a mother of triplets who is also a homeopathic health care practitioner. She has made a personal commitment to having a "drug free family". She believes that all ailments and conditions can be treated holistically through natural medicine, meditation and the maintenance of healthy chakras. While this goes a step further than I would take it she brought forward an interesting concept of a drug free family. I understand that there are a number of conditions that we need modern medicine to cure but there are also a number of conditions and situations where I do feel our children are being grossly over medicated. I have taken the stand and have decided to place my children on alternative vaccination schedules because I am unsure how I feel about the potential consequences of them. But, what about the things I give my children to treat their ailments. What about the potential consequences of them? Tylenol, benadryl, orajel, antibiotics all have possible repercussions as well.
I try not to over think my children's illnesses and sometimes realize colds just need to run their course but I am also the first to give my children cough suppressants to clear their chests, anti histimines to un stuff their noses and tylenol to stop their pain or break a fever. But, in reality stuffy noses and chest congestion is the bodies way of naturally curing out impurities, fevers are the bodies natural response against defenders. When we interrupt our bodies fight against outside offenders we are actually delaying the time in which are children are going to heal. As a parent, I cannot stand to see my child uncomfortable but rather than reaching into the medicine cabinet maybe I should be curling up on the couch with my boys instead. Laying down and cuddling with them rather than doping them with benadryl or trying alternative approaches before jumping to modern day medicine
Antibiotics are being over prescribed in epic proportions. Children are being given these drugs for almost every ailment that brings them into a physicians office and it is created a vicious cycle of drug resistance. A recent study by the APA has found that 80% of all ear infections, 86% of all upper respiratory tract infections and 60% of all eye infections will clear BY THEMSELVES within 7 days and are now encouraging parents to keep a "watchful eye" on these conditions rather than immediately treating them but unfortunately most pediatricians are not heeding this warning and are still OVER PRESCRIBING.
What we are ultimately doing is overwhelming our children's bodies with drugs that don't belong in them and destroying their ability to naturally fight off infection.
While I can't bring it in me to throw my tylenol to the wind...I will be ditching benadryl and cough suppressants.
And will try to remember when the sick bug comes my way that cuddles, hugs, chicken soup and nap time probably have more cure in them than any syrup ever could.

ERF-extended rear facing

So, today as I was packing my children into our vehicle a friend asked why are they still rear facing? I responded with my typical response...I am an advocate of extended rear facing. My husband was skeptical and actually told me I was crazy when I first popped the idea on him and after watching the videos and hearining my arguments he too, agrees, that erf is the way to go as far as car seat safety is concerned. Most people don't know what this is (actually my parenting soul sister Nikki got me hooked on making my parenting stances known). Well, here is the chance to hear me carry on about another one of my mommy beliefs. It is now recommended by the AAP (american association of pediatrics) now recommends that children...ALL children be rear facing until the minimum age of two. Why you ask? the law says my child has to be one year of age and 20 pounds and then I can face them forward. Well, yes...you CAN but why would you? This is a minimum requirement. Not a definite.
Take a second to think of these facts: 6 million car accidents a year in the US. Every 12 minutues someone involved in an automobile accident dies. 2,000 of those deaths are children. Almost makes you want to encase yourself in a bubble and never get into a car again.
So, those facts at hand it is important to stress that car seats save lives...no doubt and that safer car seat practices are needed. Now that the AAP has made their statement known we have to wait for the state to change the law and car seat manufacturers to change their requirements sticker. I am not one to butt my nose into other peoples parenting but these facts and videos changed my entire view on car seat safety.
A child, though they may have adequate muscle control do not have a bone structure that allows for whiplash type injuries. The bones that are protecting the delicate spinal cord are soft, pliable and do not have the ossification that adult bones do because of this during a whiplash type injury a spinal stretching of 2 inches can occur. The spinal cord can only withstand 1/4 inch of stretching before snapping occurs. That is a difference of 1 3/4 inch. This type of injury is called "internal decapitation", the name alone is enough to scare the hell out of you. What is literally happening is a childs spinal cords is snapping from the intensity of an impact though the bone structure is remaining in tact. There have been a number of crash tests performed that have shown RF (rear facing) crash test dummies undergo significantly less impact than there FF (forward facing) counterparts. The car seat acts as a cradle during impact causing a child and car seat to move as one unit rather than a forward facing child who's head is thrown forward during impact. This can truly be the difference between a life or death injury for a young child.


This video demonstrates what happens to a young child during a forward facing impact





This video demonstrates a rear facing child during impact.



The difference in body distortion, whiplash type injury and overall impact are noticeable.
There are arguments that claim that children in RF car seats are more likely to suffer broken legs during an accident if their feet touch the seat in front of them. This may be true. However, broken legs can be fixed. Broken necks cannot.

Your child may be going crazy to face forward and see the world. To be "big" like their older siblings and face forward but I am urging all parents to keep their children rear face to the minimum age of two. I have two very tall 18 month old boys who legs touched the seat in front of them months ago but they aren't going forward facing yet or anytime in the near future.

So, my word has been said...I have spread my word of knowledge and I am done for the day.

Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around. ~Frank A. Clark

Once upon a time I had a life. A life without children, responsibility or much common sense for who I hurt along the way. A life without a husband. A life without unconditional love and a life without a solid respect for the my reputation. I had a life the involved drinking. Hanging out with friends and throwing virtues to the wind. I gossiped with friends. Hell, I gossiped about friends and to be completely honest I had little concern for anyone except number one...I mean there were a few exceptions...but besides bff's and family...yea, little regard went into people's thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Basically, I was kinda a bitch...and a cruel one at that. If your dirty laundry was aired and drifted my way...if I didn't like you I was sure to send your business in the direction of others. Not because I had nothing better to do, nothing to talk about or no life of my own but because I didn't care about destroying people if it furthered my cause. Harsh, right? Almost sociopathic of me. But, then again I was a completely self-centered, self-righteous and strong willed young woman. I lived for that DAY. Not the next. I am not sure I ever destroyed anyone...with the exception of myself and maybe my reputation. But, I realize that now.
Three years of marriage and 3 children later people who haven't kept up with my business are still amazed to find out that I have settled down. I have lost many individuals along the way that could have been great friends because I had a fierce tongue and an even fiercer attitude. But, that wasn't the person that was in my heart. That was the person those I surrounded myself with convinced me that I was.
You know what they say...one bad apple spoils the bunch.
I am a firm believer...now of never saying anything about someone that you wouldn't sign your name to. Regardless of the validity of a statement it shouldn't be said if it is going to be deterimental the the mental and emotional health of another individual.
As a mother, I look at the bigger picture. I can vividly remember the hurt and pain that rumors and gossip caused my life. I can remember being the shoulder my friends cried on when rumors hurt them and remember being the crier. I remember saying a lot of miserable, nasty and often times very true things about people that once confided in me.
And now when I imagine my daughter in her late teens and early 20's I can only hope that I can teach her how painful rumors are. I hope I can save her from the pain I have felt and hope I can keep her from causing the harm I know I caused.
Rumors and gossip have little power until they are spread among people. Rumors aren't always false...but then again, they aren't always true either. But regardless of validity they hurt. If I could personally go back and apologize to everyone I have hurt I would...but I can't.
So, I will sit here. Be the best possible friend I can be. Be a mother to my children and hope that I can instill some virtue, chastity and empathy in them that they will carry with them throughout the years.

Sometimes two legs and two arms just isn't enough

***These have got to be my boys...They totally veg out to Wizard of Oz. They watched the whole thing***

Last week, I was forced to deal with vomiting, for my first time since I entered the grand world of Mommy-hood. And to think I thought spit up was gross. HA! I woke up at 5:45 bright and early to two little boys COVERED in vomit. Gross. We took 3 baths that day. Mommy got thrown up on twice and I chased them around with tupperware everytime I heard what sounded like possible regurgitation.

Talk about miserable. But, despite the throw up being gross and miserable to deal with it was even worse having two sick boys and one little peanut all seeming to need my attention at the same time. It was on of those days I realized that the 4 limbs that I have just wasn't enough. Normally, I carry on my day and am certain that I have limbs I didn't know about. Somehow, despite the obvious challenge my house stays clean, dinner gets cooked, diapers get changed, children get fed and bathed and at the end of the day I sigh...and ask myself how did that all get done?

But sick days are the worst. They tug at my heart strings. Two arms isn't enough to hug two boys at the same time and my lap just isn't big enough for them both to take a seat. On normal days...both are possible...sick days they simply won't allow it. There are 100 thousand things I love about having twins. THIS is the one thing I hate. I want to be able to nurture and care for them both at the same moment of need. I want to squeeze them both and give them every ounce of feel good mojo I can muster but when they won't share I can't. And as I am giving love to one I am feeling the pain of the other as he screams in desperation for a hug. Absolutely heartbreaking.

Sometimes two legs and two arms just isn't enough.

If you don't want to hear about boobies. Read no further.

As some know, and others may not know, I was inflicted with a condition known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum during both of my pregnancies. The condition is nasty and got me so bad that all pharmaceutical interventions became ineffective and both times I ended up with a PICC line (a catheter type IV that went from my arm and dropped off right by my heart), this is how I was fed, given prescription drugs and hydrated. Basically...shittiest thing ever. Especially with Addy, I couldn't gain weight and her health and my health were potentially being compromised. At birth, she was small. Not considered low birth weight but tiny nonetheless...she is my petite little princess. But, thankfully, my hyperemesis began to lessen in my last 8 weeks, I was able to put on weight and I was able to produce milk the day after my little one was born.
During my last experience with Hyperemesis I joined an online support group to help me through my misery and remind me I was not alone in my struggle and I realized that some women were much less fortunate than myself. Another woman in the group had her daughter 4 days after Adelyn was born and her health, weight and nutrition were so significantly compromised she was unable to lactate. The doctors discouraged her from even trying! I couldn't imagine being in her shoes.
Nutrition these days has not been an issue for me. I pump. Exclusively. Meaning my daughter gets nothing but breast milk, but from a bottle. Because I am pumping exclusively my supply isn't necessarily dictated by HER needs but by my pumping schedule and my supply is a supply of plenty. I honestly have enough milk to feed her for 2-3 months if I were to stop producing today and now my deep freeze is full (we had to buy a new freezer to have storage for all of it). Now, any nursing mom will tell you breast milk is "liquid gold". There is nothing healthier for a child than the nourishment that comes from their mother but what if their mother can't produce it? Formula isn't the only option.
Due to my abundance of supply I started investigating what to do with it. I became aware of a few milk banks, that is right I said milk banks, in Southern California which accepted donations of breastmilk which they would test, pasteurize and forward to needy recipients. After researching a handful of them I found my match. They are based out of Southern California, have a cute name ("Milkin' Mamas") and donate their milk to NICU units and place a special emphasis on Very Low Birth Weight Babies, pre filling 10 ml syringes for hospital use. There are a number of reasons for low birth weight babies, the most prominent of these being pre-term delivery. When pre-term delivery occurs mothers often have a very hard time producing breast milk as their body is adjusting the the early delivery, stress of having a pre term child and of course any circumstances that may have contributed to a pre term delivery. Every child born deserves to be given the best start possible and though THEIR mothers milk is best...second best is another mothers. I feel very blessed to have the supply of milk that I do and am happy I am able to help other mothers and their children have a healthy start.
So, today was the day I signed my life away...well, at least 200 oz of my liquid gold away. In return I get an amazing feeling of satisfaction in being able to help others and an awesome t-shirt to go along with my swelling sense of fulfillment.

Melt downs. Blow outs and Blow ups.

Have you ever had one of those days where you really "know" like the second you get out of bed that today is NOT going to be a good day? Well, that was my day. I woke up like any other day to grumpy little teething gooses in the room across the hallway. Screaming...not crying just yelling, clearly for no other reason than to get my attention. Chicken was contently sleeping but awoke a couple of moments later with one of those pucked lipped "I am so upset" crys. Fair enough. This was the standard morning in the Mayo house. But, my mommy radar told me it was going to be much worse than standard.
Let me start by saying I am not one to talk about poo...I find it gross, disgusting and nauseating and can still not believe I have been pooped on and puked on...they are lucky they are my children.
So, blow OUT # 1-Brendan. This was truly...the BLOW OUT OF ALL BLOW OUTS. I am not sure what I fed him last night but clearly it did not mix well with his little belly and his diaper was no match for its vengeance. There is no greater horror when it comes to diapers than realizing it is not only UP the back but OUT the sides.
blow OUT # 2-Adelyn. While I was still adjusting my nostrils from blow out number 1...I was eating breakfast...great, right? Well, Adelyn cute as a little button, no joke, passes gas louder than her big brothers. And it makes me laugh. But, there is a very distinct sound between the 'passing gas to pass gas and the passing gas to handle business' noises. Well, these gas sounds were the later of the two and within 10 seconds I smelt that awkwards breastmilk poopy smell that smells like a bad combo of buttered popcorn and mustard. Now that I have assaulted your senses with my graphics I will continue. Well, I picked her up...and realized she was COVERED in this nonsense. Up her back, up her belly, down her legs. LOVELY. There was no way this onesie was coming off without it getting everywhere. This is one of those 'I warrant a both poops'. Like I said not a great way to start my day.
Now that we have covered the blow outs...let's move right along. Fast forward two hours. Put ut in our cadillac 6 foot long stroller in the baby aisle at target. As I looked at the damn product numbers trying to fulfill a few items on a registry I heard the fusiness start. Their spoons were no longer holding their interest. I MUST HURRY. But within seconds spoons, sippy cups and snack containers were being pelted passed the diapers and landing near the newborn clothes (my boys have great arms...while I hate public meltdowns I am nervous about discouraging a behavior that could potentially make me the mother of professional baseball players). I ran, picked up the items and returned to my Cadi to hurry to the check out stand. I couldn't go fast enough...I knew this. Today was just not a good day. Before I reached electronics, mind you I am in a slow jog at this point pushing 100 + lbs of children and stroller, Colin turns around to the best of his abilities smacks Brendan upside the head and starts SCREAMING! Like really...screaming. My kids don't scream like this...they did today. Both of them. As I realized I was that person today, the one that you look at and wonder "who the hell gave them the license to breed?". Yea...well, that's me and I have three of them. They screamed all the way through check out stopping breifly when crazy old women tried to talk to me when CLEARLY I didn't have the time (that is another blog for another day).
While exiting the building a mother with a young child approached me and said "You are so patient. I melt down with one." I don't judge parents of singletons. Their one child may be a nightmare and my 3 incredibly well behaved though at times demons of children may treat my sanity much better than hers. I couldn't help but just smile and laugh. I meltdown...I have my moments...but I certainly do not do it in public. What is the point of that? I have never understood the parents who yell and scream and grab and pull. That isn't me and isn't my parenting style. But, did she really think screaming and crying in public (which I would have loved to do) was going to help my situation? Oh holy heavens no. Meltdowns happen in private places. Like the shower. I find catharsis in tears and screaming but it won't happen in front of my family let alone the general public.
Today we got no where with potty training...I had to much poop on me to try to focus on keeping it anywhere but the diaper. As far as language development goes...we didn't get very far but their vocal chords are in good shape when they are ready to try and the spoon issue...but bought new utensils at Target...dinner will be the first try.
Now, I would really like Steven to get home so I can take that shower.

Toilets. Words and Spoons.

Toilets. Words. Spoons.
My life revolves around these three things. Funny how things change.
We have officially decided to introduce the boys to the toilet. I am not hoping for miracles here but I figure SAHM used to do it all the time "back in the day" no reason I shouldn't try. To be honest the boys aren't interested or not as interested as I would like them to be. They would much rather pull the potty part out and wear it as a hat. They have sat down on occassion but I am not sure that it was out of understanding or just thinking they had aquired a cool new chair. They let me know when they have gone "number two" so there is an understanding of bodily functions occuring now if I could only get them to let me know when they are going. But, I am sure that will be a challenge for another day. Today I will focus on keeping the potty in the potty seat.
Twins are funny little creatures. Have their own little language and really no desire to communicate with anyone but each other...unless they want something at which time the decide it is best to scream about their needs being fulfilled. We are working on language development and I am not sure it is going as quickly as I would like it to. We get basic words. "hi", "bye", "mommy", "daddy", "I love you" (or at least what sounds like it) an occassional "up" and "down" but really nothing more no matter how much I prod and pry at it the dang kids don't want to say "cup", "food", "all done". They would prefer sign these things to me though I know their language abilities would allow them to use them. So, how do you force a kid to talk? I guess you really don't. I would feel like a bad mother with holding their desired items until they tell me in their "big boy words". So, I am stuck. We read. Everyday a lot. I talk to them all day about what I am doing. Describe everything to them as I am doing it. Watch 'educational' cartoons and try to interact within as much as they let me...and I feel like I am at a point when there is nothing more I can do. I hate feeling stuck as a parent...feeling like there is nothing more I can do and that all of the work I am doing is getting me no where.
Now, as far as utensil use goes. My kids don't get it. Or maybe I don't get how to make them get it. They love their spoons. They don't like using them for their intended use. They would prefer throw them at each other, sword fight with them and attempt to drink whatever I have placed in their bowls. I show them how to use it make sure I eat using whatever utensil I give them in hopes that they will mimic me and still nothing. I end up with yogurt in the hair...cheerios on the floor and a royal mess. And messes and me aren't getting along right now. Messes mean I have to clean them instantly and if I don't face a considerable amount of anxiety. Maybe they pick up on this. Is it possible that children that young know how to "get me" so to speak. No...can't be. But, then again they are Mayo's.
Well, nothing better than feeling defeated as the end of another long week comes to an end. Tommorrow is another day. Another day to master the art of using a spoon. Another day to work on the learning of words and another day to have my children pour yogurt, pudding and oatmeal on the floor and me clean it while happily singing my crazy little song.

Vaccinations and my little chicken

Let me start by saying I AM NOT AGAINST vaccinations. I DO believe that they serve a purpose. I DO NOT believe that they 'cause' autism. I DO believe that without them we would be facing nationwide epidemics of diseases. I DO NOT believe that parents should choose to forgo vaccinating their children hoping that their child will not be exposed to the condition.

But, I DO believe that there is a certain amount of vaccination education that is being with held from parents. I am sure as a mommy or daddy you have taken your child to receive their well-child check-up are handed a stack of papers regarding the vaccinations your child is about to receive and you tuck them away as you prepare your little one for their shots...not thinking twice about reading them. I know most parents do not question their child's pediatrician and unfortunately, we have become a nation that relies to heavily on others doing what is right for us, our children and our families. I know I never questioned the vaccinations that my children were receiving...I never asked whether or not they were preservative free. Whether they were a combo vaccination. Whether they contained live viruses. (The first time I even considered these questions was while pregnant and debating on the H1N1 vaccination).

But, recently, I have been forced to question these things. Upon returning to Ventura County, after spending a year in Monterey, I was told by my new pediatrician that my boys were behind on their vaccinations and basically told I was a miserable parent for allowing this to happen. Behind? There was no way they were "behind" they were in daycare while I worked. I didn't question whether they were or not and just went along with their "new" catch-up schedule. I listened to their pediatrician tell me they were "missing" their chicken pox vaccination and they were behind on their HIB and MMR. Sure. Okay. Whatever you say. After all you are the doctor.
I knew that my boys vaccination schedule was slightly modified because of their previous pediatricians preference which included delayed chicken pox vaccination to allow time for children to catch the chicken pox which is what he preferred and I felt his reasoning behind such was sound. And I also knew that he had "spacing" between others to allow their bodies time to adjust between individual vaccinations...but I was certain they weren't "behind". When I contacted my previous pediatrician regarding this they told me that they were NOT behind. They were being vaccinated WITHIN CDC guidelines just not on a traditional vaccination schedule. Yet, our current pediatrician said nothing to us about being within guidelines...simply told us we were behind. Either she wasn't happy with our non-traditional approach or knew nothing about the guidelines existing that varied from standards.
At my daughters 8 week appointment, I again, didn't really question the quantity of vaccinations she was receiving (6 in total). She received rotavirus, polio, DTap, Hep B, HIB. PCV. SIX VACCINATIONS!!! I got my stack of papers shoved them into my purse and readied my chicken for her shots. She handled them like a trooper. Then minutes later while attempting to feed her, I felt ever muscle in her petite little body tense up, her eyes rolled into her head and she began projectile vomiting. I am not sure if I yelled for help or just began screaming but within seconds doctors, nurses and a handful of EMT's surrounded my daughter. I couldn't see her as they encircled her. I NEVER felt so helpless. My heart broke a thousand times every time I heard her make a sound and I sat broken. Not knowing at all what to do.
After she was deemed okay but all present parties we sat. I held her so tight not wanting to let go. I couldn't even imagine what havoc just happened in her little body.
That experience as horrible as it was prompted me to get educated. I have read more about, talked to more people regarding and found more information on vaccinations than I have ever wanted to know. And it has also prompted me to advocate not only for myself, but for my children. Though the incident that happened to my daughter occurred within minutes of vaccination the CDC prohibits physicians from saying that any event is caused by the vaccination and instead they must say that there MAY be a correlation between the two. There MAY BE a correlation? I am pretty sure that is a pretty positive cause and effect relationship. But, hey, I am not the US government so I will just go with what they have to say. According to the statistics on the DTap vaccination (the one that the pediatrician suggested may have been responsible for the episode) 170 children have suffered a "major convulsive episode" within minutes of receiving the vaccination within the last 5 years. 1,800 more have suffered from another severe event including: catatonic like state, severe unstoppable crying lasting 3 or more hours, severe vomiting, and other brain reactions. That equals nearly 2000 children suffering a severe reaction...and you know where this was listed on my cheat sheet of sign and symptoms to watch out for? IN FINE PRINT ON THE BOTTOM. Where is says "rarely these symptoms will occur". I understand that putting those effects in bold letters at the top of the page might discourage people from vaccinating their children but it would also force them to understand the risks they are taking. I could care less about "redness, swelling, fatigue and tiredness"...hell, I get that when I get vaccinated.
Like, I said...I DO NOT believe vaccinations should be avoided but I think parents should be fully aware of the risks that they are taking. And should advocate for themselves and their children. I have learned that I can now split up vaccinations, meaning no vaccine will be given as a combo vaccination, I can ask that all vaccinations be preservative free, I can follow the vaccination schedule I CHOOSE not the one dictated by my pediatrician or even the CDC for that matter.
The increase in vaccinations in the last 25 years is remarkable. It is a 260% increase. Not only that but vaccine combinations are NOT tested in their combo form but rather tested individually. It has been questioned whether or not the increase in vaccinations is truly necessary. Vaccines contain a number of HARMFUL substances to humans; including anti-freeze, disinfectants, known Nero-toxins and harmful preservatives. There is a conflict interest between vaccine makers and big government. Vaccinations are big business and big money and because of this information may be clouded along the pipeline and there has been recent concern over the efficacy of vaccinations.
It is up to parents to choose to vaccinate, not to vaccinate, to forgo some vaccinations, to follow their own schedule and NO ONE can force a parent to vaccinate if they are not comfortable.
So, that is my tangent for the day. My children...ALL THREE OF THEM...will now receive their vaccinations independently of each other, They will not be receiving any combo vaccinations and will not be receiving more than 3 vaccinations at any given time. I have educated myself and urge all parents to do so for themselves.

Breastfeeding.

So, here we are 8 weeks of pumping with the occassional boob thrown in there. And I just want to say...Breastmilk is awesome. Seriously. Breastmilk has not only nourished and sent my midgets growth from the 5th percentile to the 25th in weight and 60th in height but has cured all of my children of a nasty cold daddy brought home. Sure, the boys don't dig the taste but nothing a little chocolate syrup can't fix.
But, really...stuff is amazing Swedish scientists isolated a protein in breast milk called alpha-lactlbalium (don't quote me on my spelling) that has reduced the size of tumors by destroying the cells that they are made up of. It basically attacks the cells and makes them commit cell suicide...how cool is that? Okay...so now that we establish boob milks awesome cancer fighting power how about its use for the treatment of diabetes and Parkinsons disease. Seriously. Boobie milk contains stem cells...stem cells not only have the remarkable ability to turn into whatever the heck you want them too...but have been under some seriuous controversy due to their traditional harvesting. But, how easy are they to harvest now?! Hello breastfeeding mommys! I basically say we are awesome.
Treatment for Alzheimers and other forms of dementia, breastmilk contains glyerophosphochoine, which has been linked to the imporovement of memory and attention in study subjects.
Breastmilk also contains Lauric Acid. It has been long noted that breastmilk could be used on babies faces and scalps to treat baby acne and cradle, this acid is what cures both of these conditions. Scientists have isolated the protein and have found that the acid reduced inflammation and swelling and kills the microbes that create these conditions. It is now being studied in the treatment of adult and teenage acne.
While the benefits of breastmilk are still being researched it has been suggested over and over again that it's benefits are AMAZING.
So, yea...that is my nonsense for the day. Boobs are cool.

There is a storm inside my head.

Post-Partum Obsessive Complsive Disorder. Yes, it is a very real thing. Post-Partum Depression is something we all hear about. It is what the doctors warn us about. They say "here are the signs and symptoms. let us know if you feel any of them". But, they don't tell us about the less frequently experienced emotions that we may feel during this time.
I have NEVER in my life been one to obsess about things...until I have been Post partum. With the twins...I stared. Didn't sleep. Just stared for months. I would close my eyes intermittently only to pop them open and continue staring wondering how long I had taken my eyes off them. I obsessed about hurting them. Had nightmares about dropping them and often times had to check and double check to make sure they were both where I had left them. I honestly would worry about forgetting one of them. I would have to pull over while driving to make sure they were both still breathing...and if I didn't this overwhelming sense of doom would lurk over me.
There were no bouts of crying. No irrational thoughts of hurting them. No feeling blue or under the whether...just this compulsive need to check on them.
This time it is very different. I need to clean. I know this obsession is irrational to say the least but it needs to be done. It doesn't matter what time of day or night dishes are not to be left in the dishwasher, crumbs cannot be on the ground and my counters are to be debris free. I feel there is nothing I can do to stop the compulsion to clean. I can't settle down until everything is in it's place. I can't sleep if there are chores left undone and what is worse I KNOW this doesn't make any sense. I have tried and tried again to leave things alone...to calm down and tell myself that "everything will be fine" but it won't. Not in my head. If things don't get done NOTHING will ever get done. Crazy, right?
My doctors cure for this is prescription medication. I HATE DRUGS. I hate the way they make me feel, act and think. I don't want my daughter getting even a little bit of that feeling from taking it. So, I am torn...do I continue with this ugly cycle of cleaning, obessesing and cleaning some more? Or do I go against everything I believe in and take something.

Screaming

Today is one of those days. Where everyone in my house seems to be screaming as I calmly attempt to maintain my composure. I would much rather scream back, dig a hole somewhere in the front yard and bury my head into it for the remainder of the day.
It doesn't really seem fair that as a SAHM I am forced to be responsible 24/7. I want to cry sometimes too! I would LOVE to take my pants off and throw them down in order to express my discontent with the current situation. There is nothing more that I would like to do then pound my milk cup against the wall while screaming "MO!" at the top of my lungs and have someone refill it...but oh heavens, I am not that lucky. I must be the one to dry the tears, to give hugs and put pants back on their rightful owner and happily fill the milk cups while trying to teach my toddlers that there is no need to yell.
Today is one of those days that rather than hearing the screaming...I would like to be the one doing it. But, sadly, I think such behavior would be incredibly unacceptable. Not to mention I think my neighbors would probaly summons base police to investigate what was going on.
Oh well, now that the thought is lifted, I shall return to my position of mediator, referee, shoulder to cry on, cook, housekeeper and boob

Choices

So, St Johns Pleasant Valley no longer allows midwives in the delivery room at their facility. This includes even ASSISTING physicians during births. They argue that in the name of "safety" all midwife attended births need to occur at St. Johns Regional Medical Center because they are equipped to handle complications that may arise because they have a NICU. This sounds sadly familiar to the ban that many hospitals have placed on VBAC's in their facilities.
I am still having trouble grasping the concept of a hospital not being equipped to handle an "emergency" should it arise.
I have had a number of friends who have seen midwives throughout the duration of their pregnancies and subsequently had happy, healthy deliveries performed by a midwife. Midwives are trained professionals who not only provide an immense support to women throughout their pregnancy and delivery but are professionals who are trained to recognize emergency situations before they start and who know when the time is appropriate to allow a physician to step in and take the lead.
Statistics just don't seem to back up either of these bans...and again...I am all for "safety" but when the numbers don't add up you have to wonder what is the REAL motivation behind these policies? My bet is on money.
Because midwives are trained to recognize complications early on and because frequently they will not deliver high risk pregnancies without a physician in attendance infant mortality rate for births attended by a midwife or having a midwife assist are 19 percent lower than births attended by a physician alone and the risk of deliverying a low birth weight baby was reduced to 31 percent where physician delivered babies ran a 33 percent chance of having a low birth rate.
Prenatal care performed by a midwife arguably is more intense than care provided by a physician. Midwives spend on average 11 minutes longer on each patient appointment than the physician, have 5 more patient visits, perfrom twice the number of ultrasounds and focus not only on the physical needs of a patient but on the emotional needs as well. Care provided by a physician is episodic, often times rushed and typically dictated by an insurance company. Care provided by midwives is usually not.
Women who have midwives in attendance during their labor were 1/3 less likely to request use of an epidural and almost 50 percent less likely to need labor inducing drugs such as Pitocin during the laboring process. Midwives were 43 percent more likely to try alternative interventions such as manipulation, use of birthing balls and frequent change of positions than physicians to encourage a natural labor. All of these add up to less money for the hospital but a happier and healthier birthing experience for mother and baby.
With all of the statistics poiting favorably in the direction of midwives and VBAC's there is another motivating factor occuring and it most definately is not the safety of the patient.

Changes...

So, many changes have happened in the last year. I have gone from a mommy of two beautiful twin boys to a mommy of two incredibly energetic toddlers and now have one on the way.
We have moved back to where I belong...in Ventura. And I have been able to reunite with old friends who I haven't seen in ages.
It is funny how when you become a wife and a mommy so many people seem to walk out of your life. It is like we carry a Scarlet Letter that loudly proclaims to the world that not only are we off limits to men...but...*gasp* we have children!! And these two things some how have also branded us as "NO FUN".
There are days that I can't help but feel sorry for myself. There are moments...and I mean...fleeting and few and far between moments that I ask myself..."what did I get myself into?" But, when all is said and done I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wouldn't trade in their smiles, their hugs, the way they rest their head on my shoulder. There is not a day that I would rather be belting out "free bird" with a cockatil in my hand instead of singing the joyous songs of alphabet pal.
For my "old" friends, my life is not one of luxury and not one they would EVER desire to have...or at least not for the next 10 years. My life revolves around dirty diapers, teething, nap time and sleepless nights. I have nights that I cry now when I am up until midnight...3 years ago at midnight I was just getting started. My money used to be spent on designer purses and jeans, today that money is better spent buying frilly dresses, "big boy" shoes and toys. There were days when I would spend $100 on dinner and drinks and not blink an eye...now I think of how I could have spent the money more wisely.
But, I love these changes. I love putting my family first. I love waking up to my children and my husband. I take joy in finding THEM things and finding great deals on the clearance rack.
It is funny how life changes things. Changes your perspective. Your motives. Your hopes. Your dreams and your ambitions. Changes...as little or big as they may be...can completely change you as a person...and I suppose it is up to you to embrace the change...or to run from it.

Deployments

Today while shopping with the boys I noticed two men in Seabee uniforms in front of me at Starbucks. They did not yet have crows on their uniform indicating that they were lower ranking individuals...and while I tried not to eavesdrop on their conversation I couldn't help but listen in. They are also shipping out with NMCB 4, my husbands battalion, that was scheduled to be deploying to Japan, but thanks to President Obama and his "troop surge" theory, they will be joining the 20,000 other troops in Afghanistan. These young men, seemed hopeful of a "good time" in the desert...highlighting even more that they were in fact very new to the Navy. For these men, deployment represented a chance to make money, a chance to see new land and a chance to make a difference but for so many of my friends it represents much more than that. It means leaving the ones they love, returning to a world where insurgents cause fear and question on a daily basis. These men are leaving their wives, their children, their girlfriends, their families. And while, being hopeful and optimistic would seem the best tool to get through this...the reality is some of these men may not come back. They will give their everything serving the country that they love. And the young men in front of me made me realize that the same hopeful optimism these men are exhibiting are the same characteristics that were and still are exhibited by all of the men and women serving our country.
They are not given an option to leave, they are told to go. They don't always know when they will leave and with the changes being made right now...are not always sure when they will be back. They aren't always able to talk to or write to the ones that they love, but not a day goes by that they do not think about them. But, in the end they are proud to be fighting for our country, they are happy to help those in need and though they do not look forward to leaving their country behind they can proudly acknowledge that America would not be what it is today without them.
Okay now that I am done spewing my random trainwreck of thoughts on that subject...if you know anyone that is currently deployed please keep this in mind.
Please never say these things...
1.) I don't know how you do it
2.) I could never deal with my husband (or boyfriend, or wife or girlfriend) being gone for that long
3.) Are you scared something will happen to him?
4.) Do you miss him?
5.) I know just how you feel. My husband travels a lot for business.
6.) Do you worry about him cheating on you? How do you go so long without sex?
7.) How do you sleep at night knowing that your husband might have to kill people. Doesn't that scare you?
8.) I am sorry your husband has to be deployed. Don't you just hate the President?
9.)If you truly supported your husband you would be protesting for troop withdrawl so he doesn't deploy again.
10.) I can't believe your husband is doing this to you! If my husband had a job like that I would be so mad at him.

Okay, end of brain sewage for the day. : ) Carry on.